After My Born Again Experience

Marcus Rennie

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I have undergone an experience of being born again. Yet I still sin and knowingly bring shame through my actions.

Now I have heard of some Christians not meeting the Lord when they pass on.

At the moment I find myself fearful, in my heart I feel I ought to do certain activities, such as fundraise, as well as walk in the spirit, heal the sick, share the Gospel, but I am a shy introverted person when it comes to approaching people on the street.

I fear what others think of me, if I were to ask a stranger whether I can pray for them to be healed.

All this being said, I wonder if I continue in this way, then I shall stand in front of a judge who shall say despite my knowing Christ and his Second Advent, that I shall have to be trapped in a low spiritual state because of my cowardice and retreating from manifesting Christ's behavior as my own.

So this comes to when I started to entertain thoughts and be haunted emotionally that the consequences of the sins of omission would be sources of accusation from ancestors of those I didn't help.

Now when I read Father's word, he talks about all sin being recorded. When I was young my parents played the film What Dreams May Come, which is a Robin Williams film where he enters hell. I remember it upsetting me to tears, I don't think I was older than 10, this may of put the fear of God and the afterlife of punishment in to me at that point.

So the thought of having all this baggage on my conscience in front of St Peter worries me greatly.

In the past I had been accused and attacked internally and spiritually by the enemy, who said I was not God's child; a lie which I believed, or at least entertained without being able to deny, but all this came from me falling years before, and being haunted ever since.

I mention this to say that I have been in hell until coming to Christ. As his blood washed my sins away and so the accusation left as well.

And yet I still live and strive, and fail to follow God's promptings. Now Faith without works is dead, St Paul said. That being said, if I continue to retreat and fail to fulfill my responsibility, I can't escape feeling this will have grave consequences for my soul.

So lastly it was in reading the Cheong Seong Gyeong, where Father mentions sin, but he says in the end he has the power to wash the sin away, which I interpret to mean on the day of judgment.

So this Brought great relief to me knowing this, because it is straightforward to accept Jesus' ability on how he works through the Holy Spirit to cleanse believers of their sins.

But I wonder where Father operates. It is almost like a military hierarchy where the simple private knows not the plans of the Field Marshall, but follows blindly.

I know this from personal experience, of having negativity and depression wiped off of my heart. But you can't rest on your laurels of what Jesus has done, and have to go on doing his will, for whom to be pleased.